


hopelessly devoted (to you);

by unintentionallyangsty



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Brotzly - Freeform, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hotels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Road Trips, Romance, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Weddings, more to come probably - Freeform, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-03-23 06:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13781310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: Due to some unforeseen financial struggles, the Mystery Gang decides to embark on a road trip to Southern California for a promising case, despite some members (read: Todd) not being entirely on board with the decision.A good old-fashioned, slow-burn romance. Featuring; small and shabby motel rooms not big enough for two, an extravagant wedding, tacky roadside diners and jukeboxes, inadvertent cuddling, the (somewhat enjoyed) sharing of clothing, buried feelings, and the forced sharing of motel room bedscertainlynot big enough for two(just your standard, run-of-the-mill roadtrip au ft. your two fave, hopeless boys)





	1. I5 is the main Interstate Highway on the West Coast of the US.

**Author's Note:**

> so this is...entirely unfinished, but something i've been working at for months, and am _incredibly_ fond of. 
> 
> that being said, as this is kind of unfinished, feedback is always appreciated!!!! ily all, thank you for reading <3
> 
> (warnings for this chapter include; emetophobia /. take care of yourselves!)

It all started, as it usually did, with a case that Todd understood either very little of, or absolutely nothing about.

“We can’t just…road trip down to California on a whim.” Todd cried in exasperation, flitting a somewhat pleading gaze between Dirk and Farah and hoping that at least one of them would see the sense in his argument.

As luck would have it, neither of them did--not that Todd was too entirely surprised. It seemed to be the way things went, most days, within their small agency.

“Why not?” Farah shrugged and glanced in Dirk’s direction, seeming to gain a little confidence in her argument at Dirk’s eager nod of affirmation. “We’ve taken the SUV on plenty of other cases. What’s different about California?”

Todd tried not to wince. “California is…is California.” He offered lamely, attempting valiantly to avoid to deadpan stares from both Farah and Dirk now. “It’s--It’s far.”

“Well I suppose California is _somewhat_ far.” Dirk agreed, and pursed his lips as if actually considering the argument (an unlikely chance). “But we’ve travelled as far as Canada before now. California really isn’t _too_ far. And think of the _case_ , Todd!”

“I am.” Todd answered morosely. If he was being honest, the prospect of another murder case wasn’t exactly exhilarating, at this point. He’d seen enough murder cases to fill two lifetimes (practically had since the Patrick Spring case, though none following had proven themselves to be quite as horrifically violent), and wasn’t necessarily gung-ho about becoming a key witness in any more.

“They asked for us, specifically.” Farah cut in, “I’d honestly feel a little bad about leaving them hanging.”

“Same.” Dirk agreed, looking a little too pleased with himself, if Todd were being honest.

Todd bit back a groan. “Can’t we just… y’know.” he made a vague hand gesture, only to be faced with both Dirk and Farah’s pointedly raised brows in response. “Fly?” he finally finished, a little lamely, his shoulders hunching inadvertently toward his ears at the continued deadpan expressions he was faced with.

“You know we can’t afford three plane tickets, Todd.” Dirk scoffed, as if the answer were obvious. “We could hardly afford one.”

Todd opened his mouth to argue before pausing and furrowing his brow, pegging a somewhat desperate look on Farah, when it seemed that Dirk wasn't going to budge.

“Oh no.” Farah shook her head sternly. “I’m not paying for all three plane tickets. We can drive.”

“It’s settled, then!” Dirk cried before Todd could reply, falling haphazardly to perch on the agency sofa next in the small vacant space beside him.

(Todd, for his part, did his best not to shift obviously away, though he felt as if Dirk noticed the initial movement, anyway).

“We’ll leave first thing in the morning!” Dirk finished, brightly, casting one last curious gaze in Todd's direction from the corner of his bright eyes before turning to shoot Farah a triumphant grin.

“We’re gonna need a little longer than that to prepare, Dirk.” Farah warned.

“Ah, right.” Dirk turned and gave Todd the same, bright smile. “We’ll leave first thing Friday morning!”

\---

“Oh quit being such a--a _spoilsport_ , Todd!”

Todd blinked incredulously, and ducked to narrowly avoid being struck in the head by Dirk as he tossed a tightly stuffed duffle bag into the back of the SUV. “Being the voice of reason makes me a spoilsport?” he finally replied.

“No, _Farah_ is the voice of reason.” Dirk returned easily. “ _You’re_ the spoilsport.”

“Right.” Todd muttered distractedly, reaching up on tiptoes to close the back of the car. “Thanks for the clarification.” He rounded the side of the vehicle, only to be hastily intercepted by Dirk, who let himself quickly into the passenger seat before turning and giving Todd a triumphant grin. “Whatever.” Todd murmured, and made no effort to hide his disgust as he climbed into the back, instead.

“Everyone ready?” Farah inquired from the driver’s seat, glancing at Todd in the rearviewmirror.

“It’s going to be an adventure, Todd!” Dirk cried, rather than answer her inquiry. “When was the last time you had an adventure?”

“Last month.” Todd replied, deadpan, though he was reluctant to admit that that particular adventure had been their last case, which was what had brought them here in the first place; their schedule unusually clear and them desperate enough to drive as far as California for a new case, apparently.

“Well sure, that was a sort of adventure.” Dirk agreed with a shrug. “But it’s been so _long!_ Besides, that one had hardly any romance.”

“Romance?” Todd raised a brow, doing his best to ignore the sinking of his gut as Farah pulled away from the curb and toward the freeway. “What do you mean, romance?”

“There’s going to be a wedding!” Dirk cried, looking far too pleased with himself for his own good, as if he himself had been the one entirely behind the idea of the wedding in the first place.

“What--” Todd glanced at Farah in confusion. “What do you mean?” he repeated.

“Well, most of the murders have taken place at somewhat…large public events.” Farah explained, much to Todd’s gratitude. “The wedding is our best bet for where the next one is going to happen.”

“You think there’s going to be a murder at a _wedding_?” Todd repeated incredulously. “How do you figure that?”

“Well, as luck would have it, the second murder took place at the first victim’s funeral!” Dirk explained.

“As luck would have it.” Todd raised a brow.

“Yes!” Dirk cried gleefully, pointedly ignoring Todd’s expression. “A family member of the first and his son, as a matter of fact--the second victim’s funeral was scheduled for last week!”

“And what happened?”

“It went off without a hitch.” Dirk made a face. “A bit peculiar, really. I thought that the funerals _were_ the pattern. And there’s still a whole other family member left!”

Todd nodded, making a serious effort to ignore Dirk’s apparent enthusiasm over the entire, somewhat violent fiasco. “And they?”

“She,” Dirk corrected offhandedly, “is our benefactor.”

“ _She_ hired us?” Todd furrowed his brow in confusion. “To do what? Investigate? The other two were already murdered.”

“True.” Dirk agreed. “But--”

“She caught onto our exact pattern of thought.” Farah interrupted. “She connected that she must be the next victim, being the only remaining family member to her father, the first victim, and realized that she had to do something.”

“And do it fast.” Dirk added.

“Wait so,” Todd raised his hands placatingly, willing his still sluggish mind (he hadn’t had nearly as much coffee that morning as he had apparently needed) to catch up to the rapidity of the conversation. “The woman who hired us is the daughter of the original victim.”

“Right.” Farah and Dirk answered simultaneously.

“And the sister of the second?”

“Correct.” Dirk confirmed. “And therefore the only remaining member of the Morgan family, at all.”

“So what did the original guy do to piss these people off?” Todd asked. “Was he like, a millionaire or…”

“Quite the opposite, in fact.” Dirk provided. “While quite wealthy at one point, Tracy Morgan was actually close to going bankrupt, a _significant_ portion of the last of his funds having gone toward the upcoming wedding of his daughter.”

“So is he like…” Todd frowned. “Part of the mafia or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd.” Dirk chastised. “That’s an outdated concept, at best.”

“I’m just trying to keep up.” Todd snapped irritably. “As far as I’m aware, it seems the two of you have left me out of quite a bit, recently.”

Farah and Dirk both seemed to wince. “We didn’t want to…overwhelm you.” Farah finally piped up, breaking the tense silence that had followed the words.

“Right, because the agency has been so busy.” Todd replied, somewhat waspishly.

If he was being honest, he’d admit that Farah and Dirk’s combined efforts of taking on a majority of the duties within the Detective Agency had, for the most part, honestly been due to the increasing frequency of his own personal… _setbacks_ \--more specifically, the sudden and disheartening increase in his pararibulitis attacks within the last six months. A turn of circumstances that had been entirely unexpected, and more than a little disheartening.

Were he a more patient man, he’d outwardly admit his gratitude to the both of them for taking his own personal health into consideration by attempting to tackle things on their own.

He was not feeling particularly honest, nor patient, in that particular moment, however, and simply frowned morosely.

There was a long, pregnant pause, and Dirk glanced out the passenger side window for a good half a minute before turning again and meeting Todd’s steely gaze. “He’s not a millionaire.” He offered, finally. “And he’s _not_ with the mafia. But, according to some sources and depending on who you choose to believe, he wasn’t unfamiliar with some…backhanded practices.”

Todd’s frown deepened. “Meaning?”

“He’s been known for pursuing some…underhanded means of accumulating a fortune of his own.” Farah provided.

“Not like Patrick Spring?” Todd hazarded, blinking slightly.

“Not like Patrick.” Farah confirmed stonily.

“Right.” Todd replied, shaking his head minutely and furrowing his brow. “Okay. So we’re…”

“We’re going to stop the murder of his one remaining family member.” Dirk cut in. “Save his daughter, and--”

“And find ourselves some income.” Farah interrupted, her tone brooking no room for argument.

“Desperately needed, truthfully.” Dirk added.

“I--I know what the books look like, Dirk.” Todd griped, aware that he was continuing to be a total and utter asshole, yet unable to stop the words from escaping, anyway. He tensed a bit as Dirk’s expression flickered, briefly, and shifted so that he was facing the window, and was therefore able study the scenery flying by as Farah pulled onto I5.

“Then you’ll _know_ why we need to go all the way to California for a case!” Dirk chirped, his tone lilting somewhat mockingly, before seeming to sober a bit. “Todd…” He dropped his voice to a low murmur. “I know you don’t like travelling that much. But look! Farah’s driving, not me! Everything should be fine! So…cheer up!” When Todd refused to reply, and maintained his stony gaze out the window, Dirk added, “Please? You _love_ cases.”

“Let’s just,” Todd lolled his head so he could meet Dirk’s pleading gaze from the corner of his eye. “Let’s be quiet for now. Please?”

Dirk paused and deflated almost comically, forcing a small smile and nodding half-heartedly before he turned to face forward again.

Todd heaved a pained exhale, knowing full well that he was being unreasonable, yet feeling no better about the entire situation for it. If he was being honest, he would own up to the fact that the recent developments (lack of business included) within the agency had been entirely discouraging, and had had a profound effect on his mood in the past couple of weeks.

If he was being honest, Todd would admit that he was reacting to the prospect of a new case with an unnecessary amount of reluctance. He’d admit that his lack of enthusiasm could, quite possibly, be chalked up to his own (discarded and firmly ignored, up until this point) irritation at having been left out of so many going-ons--leading up to the present moment.

(He’d admit that the look on Dirk’s face directly following his own brusque dismissal had made his gut twist in a mixture of guilt and an unnamable emotion that he didn’t want to consider too closely, just yet.)

However, Todd wasn’t feeling particularly truthful at this point in time, and simply shifted again so that he was curled in the very corner of the backseat, his gaze trained firmly on the landscape outside the window as he made a resolute effort to ignore the furtive and pointed looks Farah continued to shoot him from the rearviewmirror.

\---

“Todd…”

“I don’t walk to talk right now, Dirk.”

Nearly four and a half hours down the freeway, and Dirk was attempting the first bit of conversation directed specifically toward Todd since they’d started off on their venture.

He’d spent (more than) enough time chatting with Farah, commenting on the passing scenery, and eagerly elaborating on the details of their upcoming case.

He had not, however, spent more than the most minimal effort necessary toward attempting a conversation with Todd singularly, up until this point. And, quite honestly, Todd felt more than a little guilty over this fact--the feeling growing like an uncomfortable knot in his chest and stomach the more time he took to consider it.

“I know.” Dirk replied, sounding a little disappointed. “But I just--”

“Seriously.” Todd interrupted, ignoring the feeling of his face flushing for what felt like the fiftieth time in the past half hour and turning more forcefully so that he was sat facing the passing landscape. “Please.”

Dirk made a face. “Just because you don’t want to talk--”

“That’s not it.” Todd insisted, doing his damndest to avoid focussing on the slow roiling of his gut that had been building up over the past couple of hours, and the sickening ache that had been consistently building at his temples.

“Todd?” Farah inquired, suddenly, and Todd turned his head minutely to meet her gaze from the mirror. “Are you…okay? You’re pale.”

Todd swallowed thickly, the air in the SUV becoming suddenly stuffy and overheated. “I’m…” He swallowed again, and turned to attempt to roll down his window, which turned out to be locked ( _typical Farah_ , he thought, distantly). “Roll down the window.” He demanded sharply, attempting to keep his suddenly shallow and desperate breaths under control.

Farah furrowed her brow. “What--”

“Please!” Todd cried, turning and facing the window (which was opening far more slowly than he would have appreciated) and quickly sticking his head out quickly before lurching forward to violently retch the contents of his stomach out onto the side of the road.

“Oh, god.” Farah murmured, the SUV lurching as she pulled quickly onto the shoulder of the highway.

“Todd!” Dirk cried, turning sharply in his seat to study his companion, who was still leaning out the side window and vomiting into the road. “Are you…alright?”

Todd retched again, gulping air greedily in between gasps. “Do I _look_ alright?” he finally managed, turning to shoot Dirk a dark glare.

Dirk frowned, seemingly unperturbed. “Physically? Certainly not. You’ve gone all…Pasty.”

“We don’t reach our first stop for another couple of hours.” Farah murmured apologetically in Todd’s direction, her tone kept deliberately soft and soothing.

Todd paused a moment, tentatively lowering himself back into his seat and glancing between Dirk and Farah’s matching concerned expressions from the front seats before quickly lifting himself up and sticking his head out the window to dry-heave a bit more.

“Do you need to stop before that? There’s a rest stop in about a mile.” Farah continued, grimacing slightly.

“Please.” Todd gasped, gulping desperately and slowly leaning back into his seat, allowing his head to rest, exhausted, against the cool glass of the cracked window.

“Okay.” Farah replied without missing a beat, turning and giving him another sympathetic glance before pulling back onto the road. “We’ll be there in about five minutes. Just--hang on until then, okay?” When Todd didn’t reply, opting instead to let his eyes slide shut as the breeze from the open window cooled the heated skin of his face, Farah prodded, “Okay?”

“Okay,” He murmured, still refusing to open his eyes.

The rest of the trip was spent in silence; Dirk’s lack of input more tangible than anyone else’s in the car. (And somehow, despite everything, Todd still managed to feel guilty about this fact specifically.)


	2. Rest Stop; the break in a long journey for the use of a restroom and/or for refreshment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farah quickly locates the nearest rest stop where Todd can freshen up and gather his bearings, and Dirk takes the opportunity to reflect on his own personal feelings about the past couple of months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just an fyi, a majority of this fic was originally penned before the trailer had even been dropped for dghda s2--much less the entire season itself. therefore, though I am making efforts to tailor this story toward a semi-recent following of season two's events, a bit of it might seem disconnected. 
> 
> again, thank you so much for reading!!! <3 ily all, always.

Farah pulled off of the freeway not half an hour after Todd had been horrifically (disgustingly) ill out of the side of her SUV, and turned into a wide, concrete lot which looked quite like any other conventional parking lot, were it not for the rather unsanitary restrooms seemingly being the main attraction of the stop.

“What is this?” Dirk inquired curiously, as Todd quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and nearly fell out of the backseat in his apparent eagerness to escape the confines of the car. Dirk watched him stride immediately away from the car and across the lawn, his heart sinking slightly.

Farah blinked, and turned to give Dirk one of her Looks (not dissimilar to the ones Todd gave him, on occasion, though hers were often much more understanding, with a promise of explanation hidden behind the initial exasperation). “You--You’ve never stopped at a rest stop?”

“Yes see, the thing is, I’m not too familiar with most conventional American road trip techniques, Farah.” Dirk provided offhandedly, already somewhat distracted as he watched through the windshield as Todd stumbled (somewhat clumsily) into the nearest lavatory. His legs had most likely fallen asleep, as they were wont to do when he had been sat, curled in one position for too long (as _he_ was wont to do).

This had happened on multiple occasions in the past, Dirk mused with a small smile, Todd having hopped up from the sofa or his desk, only to stumble ungracefully as soon as he tried to walk, his face scrunching into a grumpy grimace as Dirk cackled at the sight.

 _(‘It’s not funny,’_ Todd would gripe, a small smile turning up at the corners of his mouth (his cheeks dimpling endearingly) and belying his gruff tone. _‘It really fucking hurts. Like pins and needles. This never happens to you.’_

 _‘You’re just dramatic.’_ Dirk would tease, probably. _‘It’s never happened to me because I don’t sit so foolishly...my legs are too long to tuck under myself like that, anyway.’_

_‘Asshole!’)_

Dirk ended the train of thought firmly, then, a small lump growing in his throat at the memory of the easy familiarity between them that had become all too (unfairly) infrequent for his taste, as of late.

“We never stopped at a…What did you call it? A _rest-stop_ on our way to Canada.” he continued, hastily, turning back to face Farah again.

“Todd never got sick on our way to Canada.” Farah replied, simply, frowning a bit before continuing, “Honestly, I’m a little worried. He’s never displayed any signs of car sickness before now.”

“He’s nervous.” Dirk offered quickly, spoken as one who was absolutely confident in the validity of their argument. “He doesn’t like to leave home all that often, anyway. And with his sudden…” He trailed off and pursed his lips uncomfortably, aware that it might not be the most...tactful form of conversation, to carry on that particular train of thought.

“His sudden increase in flare-ups.” Farah provided, speaking unapologetically for him.

“Exactly.” Dirk confirmed. “With all… _that_ , he’s even less enthusiastic.”

Farah furrowed her brow as if deep in thought, and seemed to study the space which Todd had vacated not moments earlier. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone.” she finally declared, and killed the SUV’s engine. “I’m gonna go wait outside the bathroom.”

“Great!” Dirk cried, and practically leapt out of the passenger’s seat. “We’ve been driving for _far_ too long without a break, anyway. We deserve a bit of a respite!”

“Right.” Farah gave him a long and considering look as she let herself out of the driver’s side. “Um. I think there’s food here. If you want to--”

“Food?” Dirk interrupted, his neck nearly snapping as he turned to survey the rest stop, which suddenly seemed entirely more interesting than it had a moment ago. (Farah didn’t believe in stopping for fast food, usually, unless it was an emergency-- or Todd was complaining loudly enough to convince her). “Who’s food is it? Is it entirely claimable? Who’s going to claim it? Nevermind, I will!” He leapt forward, ignoring Farah’s cry of warning in favor of taking in every new aspect of the scene before them.

There stood a low wall not some feet away, upon which lay a plate of what appeared to be biscuits and a pitcher of an almost violently orange beverage which Dirk could only assume was supposed to be passing as juice. He approached the offerings hesitantly, contemplating them for a long moment before diving forward and procuring a handful of cookies for himself.

“Careful,” Farah warned, approaching from behind and sparing a glance toward the restroom Todd had disappeared into before turning back. “Those have probably been sitting out in the sun all day.”

“They’re _biscuits_ , Farah.” Dirk cried through a mouth already stuffed full with the makeshift meal. “They’re hardly going to go bad.” He turned and took the opportunity to survey their surroundings, noting with vague interest the sloping and patchy field of grass, and the occasional tree spread out behind the facilities. “What an odd use of space…”

“Don’t wander off.” Farah muttered lowly, quite obviously having followed his gaze and (correctly) guessed his intentions before even he himself could decide upon what those might be.

Dirk felt a swell of warm familiarity at the warning, and offered a reassuring smile. “It’s just a walk!” he assured, the smile turning a little smug. “Just to stretch my legs. Won’t be a moment!” He strode forward, pausing to inspect a nearby man letting his dog curiously sniff at a particularly brown patch of grass before continuing to observe the surroundings.

The novelty wore off quickly, however. Nearly ten minutes later and Dirk felt as if he’d seen everything the “park” (if one could really call the disappointing span of lawn a ‘park’) had to offer, and was wandering back to a somewhat relieved looking Farah, who sat leaning against the concrete wall, in what felt like no time at all.

“What’s taking Todd so long?” He groaned, before Farah could speak, perfectly aware of just how petulant his tone sounded, but rather too bored to really care. “He’s been in there for _hours_.”

“It’s only been ten minutes, Dirk.” Farah raised a pointed brow, though her expression quickly smoothed out into characteristic worry. “He’s freshening up. Or--I just…assumed he was. He could still be sick, I suppose. Or--” She furrowed her brow and glanced at Dirk from the corner of her eye. “Maybe you should go and check on him.”

“Me?” Dirk’s heart stuttered a bit at the suggestion, and he took a small step backward, already shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s quite--Well. I don’t know.”

Farah turned to face him fully, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. “ _Why?_ ” Her tone was cool and level--and absolutely terrifying, the way it sometimes got when she had a particularly helpful idea, yet nobody seemed willing to listen to her.

Dirk swallowed. In truth, he normally wouldn’t have bat an eye at the opportunity to step in on Todd (in a variety of situations) and demand to know what the other man was up to. It was, more than anything, not dissimilar to what their...working relationship had been, in part, founded upon, and had grown into a somewhat comfortable routine between the two of them, since then.

The past weeks leading up to their impromptu road trip, however, may have had more of a bearing on his sudden hesitance more than he personally cared to evaluate.

There seemed to have appeared a...disconnect, one that Dirk was certain he wasn’t imagining. Todd was distant most of the time, sure, but recently (since the whole Wendimoor Fiasco), he’d shown significant signs of coming out of that self-imposed shell he’d built so carefully around himself. And Dirk, in spite of himself, couldn’t hide his own enthusiasm at the progress, his traitorous heart trembling ridiculously the closer he evaluated the slow progression of their relationship--the warm closeness between them that had suddenly, so easily, become the comfortable norm.

It was, then, with a significant amount of disappointment that Dirk had found his smaller companion seemingly retreating back into himself, recently. Becoming silent and a little standoffish, over the past couple of weeks.

It could have had a lot to do with his recent increase in pararibulitis flare-ups, as Farah had worded it, Dirk would concede.

However, were he to be honest with himself, Dirk was more than a little nervous that the sudden change in behavior (the sudden lack of that warm familiarity) had stemmed from a different place, entirely. It was entirely possible, he privately considered, that Todd had noticed just how...attached Dirk had become, as of late. More accurately, the growing nature of his (quite unprofessional) feelings toward his smaller companion, and had therefore withdrawn in the force of his disgust at the mere idea of it.

Not that Dirk’s “feelings” could, as a whole, be considered entirely surprising. He had been well aware of just how much a certain Todd Brotzman meant to him, dating back to far before just recently. The particular specifics of the feelings were, therefore, nearly inconsequential. As far as he was concerned, as long as Dirk had Todd and, by extension, Todd had Dirk, all other details of this equation could be evaluated at a (much) later date.

And things quite possibly might have remained that way, Dirk mused somewhat woefully, were it not for the sudden and intense sensation of loss he’d felt tugging at the pit of his stomach near every time he’d walked into the office over these past few weeks, only to find that Todd had, again, decided to remain at home; having more likely than not suffered another debilitating attack not long after simply having awoken that morning, and had opted to crawl back into the safe space of his bed, rather than come down to the office to provide his Assistant’s Support.

(And were it not for the sudden feeling of rightness, as if something had loosened the tightness in his chest and slotted the missing piece back into the gaping hole in his heart, that settled upon him, too strong to ignore, when Dirk returned home (or, more accurately, to Todd’s apartment) in the evening--only to find his small companion kipped out on the sofa, his hands small and curled beneath his chin.

Or perhaps in the kitchen, his cheeks flushed from the heat of whatever he was preparing on the stove, turning to give Dirk a soft smile, his cheeks dimpling, warm and domestic and inviting and--)

Dirk forced himself to slow the train of thought for the second time that afternoon, considering that it felt a little damning, and breathed a silent prayer that it _had_ , in fact, remained a thought; and that he hadn’t begun to babble his ever-winding thoughts and feelings out loud to a poor, unsuspecting Farah.

As it was, the considering look she was now leveling him with wasn’t comforting.

“Dirk?” Farah prodded, leaning forward so that she could catch his eye again. “Why not?”

“Why not what?” Dirk inquired, blankly, and blinked innocently, this only catching up with him as the Wrong Answer when Farah’s expression grew incredulous. “I mean! Yes. That’s um--Isn’t that what you would consider an, how does Todd put it? An ‘invasion of privacy’?” he made a face.

Farah blinked. “You’ve never had a problem with it before now.” she shrugged. “It’s just Todd. Aren’t you two kind of already…”

“What?” Dirk nearly yelped, and flushed almost immediately.

“Kind of…” Farah’s eyes narrowed again. “Already comfortable with that sort of thing?”

“I--It’s--” Dirk tried not to balk. “I’m not sure _he_ knows that.” He finally offered, deflating a bit and trying to ignore the sinking in his gut at how much the words truly described his own feelings about this entire... _realization_ process. “It’s...complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Farah demanded.

“I don’t--He’s not-- _Ugh_!” He moved forward and scooped another handful of biscuits into his hand, suddenly desperate to avoid Farah’s piercing gaze. “Fine! I’ll go.”

Farah watched him another long moment, and the skin of Dirk’s neck prickled beneath her stare. “Okay,” she finally replied. “Uh, Dirk?” she tacked on, trailing off until Dirk, after having taken a somewhat steeling breath, turned and furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure Todd will be quite up to a cookie right now.” She glanced pointedly down at the handful of sweets.

“Ah, yes. That.” Dirk shrugged and studied the biscuits forlornly for a moment. “He never really is, is he? Well,” he hesitated another moment before reaching down to stuff the snacks into the pockets of his trousers.

“Oh! I, uh--” Farah made a face and glanced away, clearly biting her tongue against saying any more, for the moment.

“Maybe some juice?” Dirk was busy inquiring, not waiting for an answer before reaching forward for a plastic cup and the pitcher of liquid. “If this… _is_ juice…” he trailed off, quirking a brow at the violently orange liquid spilling into the cup.

Farah seemed lost in her own study of the liquid’s descent for a moment, her expression incredulous, before she turned her gaze away with what looked like an incredible amount of effort. “I have some water in the car,” she offered, “I could just--”

“Nope, we’ve been waiting long enough!” Dirk cried with forced joviality, turning to face the restroom and giving Farah a bright smile. “Juice it is.” He took another deep, steadying breath, before striding forward determinedly, shivering slightly as he entered the dark and damp concrete confines of the restroom.

“Todd?” he called at once, his voice bouncing depressingly back against the cold metal doors of the stalls, all of which sat wide open and empty. Dirk blinked, confusion furrowing his brow, and turned to continue his exploration, only to nearly collide with a startled Todd, who was stood at the grimy sinks directly beside the door. “Todd!” he yelped, narrowly avoiding spilling the beverage entirely over his friend.

“ _Ah!_ ” Todd took a skittering step back, raising his arms in something probably meant to be self defence, only to lower them with an exasperated roll of his eyes not a moment later, his breaths short and heavy. “ _Dirk_ ,”

“Sorry!” Dirk interrupted, “I just…” he gestured at the paper cup in his hand wordlessly, trailing off and taking the moment to study the small man before him.

Todd, though his face was soaked in tepid sink water and his hands appeared to be still trembling minutely, looked _leagues_ better than he had last Dirk had seen him. There was a small bit of color returned to his cheeks, the smattering of freckles over his nose and cheeks suddenly visible again, much to Dirk’s own relief. “Are you alright?” He croaked, when it seemed that Todd wasn’t going to speak.

“I’m--” Todd glanced away and bit the inside of his cheek. “Where’s Farah? Sorry, it’s probably-- been a while.”

“It’s fine.” Dirk dismissed with a shrug, doing his best to appear casual, for Todd’s sake (the man clearly didn’t need another small matter to begin feeling guilty over). “We needed a chance to stretch our legs. Here!” he leapt forward with a grin and extended the cup in his hand. “I brought you some juice! Farah says you need to get your sugars up.” Farah had, in reality, made no such comment. Dirk was confident, however, that Todd was more likely to listen without argument, were the advice coming from Farah and not himself. She had that sort of affect on people, after all.

Todd furrowed his brow speculatively, but accepted the proffered beverage, glancing doubtfully down at it before leaning forward to give it a small sniff. “God,” He made a face, looking vaguely nauseated again. “What the hell is it?”

“Ah, well.” Dirk frowned. “We’re not really sure.”

“Oh,” Todd muttered, glancing upward at Dirk’s hopeful grin and sighing slightly before taking a small sip. “ _Christ_ ,” he whispered, coughing a little. “Uh, thanks, Dirk.”

“Not a problem!” Dirk cried, happiness warming his chest, only for his grin to fade a bit when he noticed Todd’s frown remaining stubbornly on his face, his gaze still trained firmly on the toes of his sneakers. “Todd?”

“I’m sorry,” Todd blurted, blinking a little and raising his eyes to meet Dirk’s eyes. “About before.”

Dirk blinked and huffed a somewhat confused and humorless chuckle. “For what?” he asked. “You were sick, Todd. You couldn’t help--”

“I was being an asshole.” Todd insisted, his shoulders slumping slightly in discouragement. “Before that, even.” he heaved in inhale. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that from me. I’m always--” he made a face, cutting himself off before murmuring, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Dirk forced his grin back to its original wattage. “We all have bad days!” Todd frowned, more like a pout, really, and opened his mouth to argue when Dirk firmly interrupted, “Come on! We’ll go for a walk. There’s a lovely little park just behind this building! We can go through there!” he gestured to the exit behind Todd, the weak June sunlight streaming into the otherwise dim space. “Apparently there are _two_ entrances to this facility!”

Todd snorted a little at the word ‘lovely’, insinuating that he might have known a bit more about similar “parks” than Dirk had originally anticipated, but a small smile had crept onto his face, and Dirk’s heart fairly leapt at the sight of it. “Isn’t Farah waiting for us, though?” Todd asked, and glanced hesitantly at the door. “I’ve probably held us up long enough…”

“Nonsense.” Dirk strode forward and placed a firm hand on Todd’s shoulder, giving his companion an inquiring look before beginning to lead them toward the opposite door. “You need some fresh air. We can wait a couple more minutes!”

Todd hesitated, before he nodded and scurried to keep up with Dirk’s pace, seemingly hiding a smile behind his plastic cup. “Thanks, Dirk.” The look he shot Dirk, almost shyly, was enough to let Dirk know that the gratitude extended far beyond just the acceptance of the abysmal beverage.

“Of course,” Dirk murmured softly, “My assistant should be in his best health at all times, after all.”

Todd snorted as they stepped out into the sunshine, his elbow jostling Dirk’s slightly as they walked, and a warm hope spilt into Dirk’s heart at the sound before he could stop it, his mouth turning up into a comfortable smile automatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3<3 thank you for reading!!!!!!


	3. motel rooms;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three weary travelers finally reach their lodging for the evening, something each of them ends up having mixed feelings about; some, as it turns out, more mixed than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much to all of you for sticking with this little mess!! updating is always fun, but i've had a lot on my plate with school, work, etc. (it literally took an enforced sick day for me to have time to post this).
> 
> your encouraging comments have meant the world to me. thank you so much!!! please enjoy and ily'all always xx

“This is it.” Farah shifted the car into park and hardly hesitated before turning to let herself out of the car. 

Todd and Dirk simultaneously leaned forward to peer out of their respective windows (Todd having been granted the passenger’s seat for the remainder of the day’s drive) and out into the dark, illuminated only by the flickering neon light not ten feet away advertising a _Motel_ in a large, somewhat foreboding font. 

“This…” Dirk murmured. “Is it?” 

The two shared a bit of a blank look before Todd gave Dirk a small shrug, unbuckling his own seatbelt and stumbling ungracefully out of the car to follow Farah. “This is it?” He repeated as he rounded the back of the SUV to stand at Farah’s elbow, where she was already beginning to unload items.

Farah slowed her movements long enough to give him a warning look. “It’s was the cheapest option, as we’re lodging on company funds.” she glanced up at the motel consideringly. “It’s just for the night, Todd.” 

“Ri-ight.” Todd replied, haltingly, and opened his mouth to continue when Dirk appeared at his side, bouncing on the balls of his feet and interrupted.

“I, for one, am just glad to be out of the car.” he declared, cheerfully. 

Todd glanced at his watch, which read nearly 11, and nodded in agreement, adding, “Me too.” to reassure Farah of his own gratitude. He paused, and watched as she unloaded another item from the back. “Do we really need all this?” he hazarded, “We’re only staying a night, right?” 

“We’re right by the freeway, Todd.” Farah glanced between him and the nearby cars whizzing past and offered a somewhat bewildered look. “Unless you want to deal with coming back to a totally empty vehicle in the morning, I’d unload.” 

“Right.” Todd repeated, flushing a bit and lurching forward to comply. Ttogether, the three (laden with their bundles of luggage), moved toward the motel and out of the chilled evening air. 

Inside, the motel itself was hardly more encouraging than its exterior. The lobby smelt slightly musty, the rubber of Todd’s sneakers sticking dishearteningly against the linoleum floors as they followed Farah to the front desk to check in. 

“It’s just for the night, remember.” Farah murmured after she’d received the keys from over the counter, turning and beginning to lead them back out toward the row of doors outside the main lobby. She sounded slightly more hesitant than she had not moments ago, and Todd considered that she might be beginning to understand his and Dirk’s own leeriness of the lodgings, the more she saw.

“Right,” Todd agreed, shooting her a small, encouraging smile and feeling the tight ball that had taken up residence in his chest loosen a little when Farah’s shoulders seemed to relax minutely, and she returned the expression weakly before exiting the lobby entirely.

The rooms weren’t much better, as it turned out. The crackling wooden door brushed along an avocado green shag carpet as Todd elbowed his way into the space and flicked the light on, trying not to startle badly as a large spider scurried away from the sudden company and back underneath the bed. 

_The_ bed. The singular bed that stood, very obviously sinking in on itself near the middle, at the dead center of the room.

“Um,” Todd swallowed, pointedly aware of both Dirk and Farah’s eyes now on him. “So this--uh. We have…how--how many rooms?” 

“Two,” Farah replied, as if the answer were quite obvious (and really, considering the fact that Todd had been present for the check-in process, he supposed it really should have been). She made no movement to step any further into the room than she had already, her hands still gripping her own luggage tightly; answering Todd’s next question before he even had a chance to ask it. 

“But what about…” Todd gestured vaguely and turned to meet Farah’s eyes over his shoulder. “Y’know. Company funds?”

“Technically, all company funds are, in reality, my own funds.” Farah shrugged. “And, as a _significant_ benefactor of the agency, company funds purchased two rooms.” She pursed her lips, as if waiting for one of the boys to argue with her, before smiling slightly and turning on her heel. “I’ll see you both bright and early.” she called, “We should be on the road by seven!” The door slammed behind her, and Todd and Dirk were left standing, elbow to elbow, in the narrow entryway. 

Todd didn’t have to look to know that Dirk’s gaze was trained firmly exactly where his was--the lousy excuse for a queen sized bed laid out before them-- rumpled, stained sheets and all.

“Look,” Todd was the first to speak, and moved forward so that he could set his singular bag down on the carpet.

“You should take the bed, Todd.” Dirk piped up, before Todd had a chance to continue, and moved forward to join him in the room. “You’ve been ill.” 

“Car sickness doesn’t really count as ‘ill’, Dirk.” Todd swallowed thickly at the memory, belying his own words. “I’ll be fine on the floor.”

“You _are_ ill, then.” Dirk dismissed in such a fashion that Todd knew he should technically be offended by, but couldn’t find it within himself to particularly care. “Whatever. I can sleep on the floor. Look at this carpet!” Dirk bounced a little experimentally. “It’s practically thick enough to be a bed, anyway!”

“Yeah…” Todd glanced downward morosely to study the carpet his sneakers seemed to be sinking into. “We don’t know what’s living down there, Dirk. Just take the bed.” 

“I’m not a child.” Dirk snapped, making a face and moving to begin rifling through one of his duffle bags. “I’ve slept on plenty of floors before, Todd Brotzman. I go where the universe takes me, remember?” 

Todd tried to ignore the particular implications that came to mind with the words, and shook his head stubbornly. “I used to be in a band.” He pointed out, and raised his eyebrows. “I’ve slept on the floor plenty of times, too.” 

“But you’re old.” Dirk raised a brow.

“I--I’m confident that I might be younger than you are, Dirk.” Todd gawked indignantly, and narrowed his eyes slightly. “Besides, that doesn’t matter. Just--Sleep on the bed, okay? I’m probably the only one who would fit in the space between it and the wall, anyway.” He studied the small space with a sinking heart.

“ _Oh_ , just!” Dirk gestured wildly for a moment and puffed his cheeks out so that they tinged red, standing from where he’d been hunched over his bags a moment later with his toiletries in hand. “Let’s just both sleep on the bed, then! We can make it work.” The red on his cheeks had darkened slightly, and Todd politely averted his eyes, pretending not to have noticed.

Todd’s mind, the traitorous coward it was, was already reeling with the possibilities of what could potentially go wrong with the arrangement. He could have an attack (his mid-sleep attacks had been awakening him with a disheartening, increasing frequency, as of late), and potentially strike out and hurt Dirk.

The thought made Todd’s stomach sour slightly, and he quickly dismissed it, though it was quickly replaced by another. What if he took all the blankets in his sleep, prone to cold as he was? As immature as it sounded, Todd really did not feel like putting up with the potential complaining that Dirk might spin, after such an occurrence. They might sleep stiffly and uncomfortable with the close proximity, Todd mused, and be forced to spend the countless hours on the road tomorrow sore and exhausted.

Or, he thought a little hysterically, his mind beginning spin madly out of control along with the growing list of potential catastrophes, they might encroach too much on each other’s space. The bed really didn’t look like it was suited to fit two grown individuals, and it seemed that the night spent might end in discomfort no matter what.

Inexplicably a little flushed himself, now, and weary with entertaining the possibilities, Todd nodded slightly and swallowed. “Right.” he muttered, casting another quick glance at the way the bed dipped in the middle before tearing his gaze quickly aay again. “We’ve made worse things work.” 

“Right!” Dirk agreed with an eager nod. “We’ve been in worse situations, that’s for certain.” 

Uncertain silence settled upon the both of them, their gazes falling away, drawn almost magnetically back to the bed between them not moments later. “I’ll just, um.” Dirk held up his toothbrush and shook it a little. “Unless you want to…”

“Go for it.” Todd cut-in, quickly, almost wincing as his voice cracked on the last word.

Dirk nodded and hesitated another moment, seeming to come to some unspoken decision within himself, and turned to disappear into the bathroom without another word, leaving Todd to sigh dejectedly at his sleeping space for the evening before heaving a sigh and beginning to sift through his own belongings for a toothbrush.

\---

Todd lay stiffly on his side, head pillowed on his elbow atop one of his flannels bunched beneath (the front desk had been unable to provide them with a second pillow), and watched the boxes of light from cars passing in the distance streak along the peeling wallpaper of the motel room.

Behind him, Dirk was a warm and solid weight at his back, reminding Todd somewhat unforgivably of just how long it had been since he’d slept with another person so near--nearly ten years, by his reckoning… 

Dirk shifted, suddenly, the sound loud and grating in the previous silence, and Todd tried (and ultimately failed) to hide the way his shoulders tensed further at the sudden movement. 

“Todd?” Dirk croaked, and though Todd kept his back turned, he could practically see the way Dirk would be rubbing blearily at his eyes, reaching up with the other hand to run it through his already dishevelled hair. “Have you not slept at all?”

The near sleepless nights they’d spent in Todd’s apartment (Dirk on the sofa and Todd in his bed, respectively) in the past had taught him enough to know that feigning sleep at this point would be totally pointless.

Todd bit back a sigh of exasperation. “What’s to say I wasn’t asleep just now?” 

“People’s backs don’t tend to look so...high-strung while asleep.” Dirk pointed out, and shifted again so that he was laid on his side. “Not even you.” 

Todd huffed. “Go back to sleep, Dirk.” he murmured, reaching a hand up to rub irritably at the sudden ache between his ribs. “You need it.”

“I’ve had it.” Dirk chirped, though he kept his voice to a low whisper, all the same. “It’s been nearly…” There was a brief clattering noise as Dirk turned and fumbled with something on the bedside table. “Ah damn. The clock’s dead.” Todd snorted. “It’s been a couple hours, at the very least. Surely you’re tired, as well.” His voice dropped into something lower, more hesitantly concerned. 

Todd grimaced slightly at the tone, attempting to silence the small voice at the back of his mind insisting that he didn’t deserve the treatment. “It’s--”

“Ah, of course!” Dirk interrupted, and sat up suddenly, his elbow knocking Todd sharply between the shoulder blades. “You’re cold! Sorry, Todd. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.” 

Todd furrowed his brow, surprise making him turn onto his back, just in time to see Dirk roll out of bed and begin rifling through his items. “How did you…” he trailed off, deflating slightly and watching Dirk fumble in the low light, deciding that (sometimes) it was better not to ask. 

“You’re always cold, aren’t you?” Dirk replied airily (quite suspiciously), before he froze and let out a groan. “Aw, nuts.”

“What?”

“I left my extra quilt in the car. Stupid Dirk.” 

Todd frowned. “You brought an extra quilt?” 

“Certainly.” Dirk muttered distractedly, a passing car briefly illuminating his face puckering in concentration. “You typically shouldn’t embark out onto a road trip into the great unknown without one, Todd.”

Todd huffed a little. “I’d hardly called California the ‘great unknown’.” he bit back a yawn, and scrubbed a hand wearily over his face when Dirk didn’t reply. “Listen, Dirk, it’s not that--”

“Hush.” Dirk interrupted airily, and Todd blinked slightly, but found himself doing as he was told as Dirk continued, “I might…” he began picking through his things again. 

“Dirk, it’s fine.” Todd began again, tentatively. “We can just go back to sleep.” 

“Aha!” Dirk cried, paying no heed to Todd’s protests and straightening triumphantly with what turned out to be his quilted red leather jacket clutched tightly in one hand. “Here we go!” 

Todd blinked, before the insinuation behind the actions caught up with him and he flushed, despite his best attempts to avoid this. Another car sped past, and he nearly groaned at his reddening face being suddenly illuminated. “Dirk, it’s really not…”

“Todd,” Dirk interrupted, and strode forward to perch on the edge of the mattress. “It’s simple. You can’t sleep unless you warm up. I can’t sleep unless _you’re_ asleep,” he cleared his throat a little, and Todd automatically glanced away to study his hands. “And Farah will be furious if she has to put up with both of us whilst sleep deprived.” Dirk paused dramatically, leaning in so that his face was inches from Todd’s own.

Todd blinked, trying not to appear outwardly startled. 

“And I doubt they have any coffee you’ll approve of for a few more miles, at least.” Dirk murmured lowly, clearly understanding entirely the impact the words would have.

Todd’s eyes widened as the words sunk in. “Don’t joke about that.” he warned, already feeling the first dregs of exhaustion the next morning was sure to hold at the idea alone.

“I hardly would.” Dirk replied gravely, and extended the coat a bit further.

Rather than outwardly admitting that he was already feeling a good deal warmer, Todd instead forced an eyeroll (a half hearted effort, at best) and extended a hand to accept the offered garment. “Fine.” he muttered, and shifted so that he could shrug the jacket on over the thin fabric of his tee shirt. “Only if it gets you to go to sleep.” He glanced down at the red pleather that practically engulfed his own frame, feeling his stomach flutter a little at the picture. Unwilling to evaluate the implications behind that particular reaction, just yet, Todd swallowed slightly and forced himself to glance away.

Some things could wait until it wasn’t after midnight, and he and Dirk Gently weren’t sat, elbow to elbow on a bed in a damp and crowded motel room. 

Todd frowned at the continued silence, and glanced up find Dirk studying him with an unidentifiable expression screwing his features. “Uh, Dirk?”

“Right!” Dirk cried, jolting back into action as if he’d been burned and curling back beneath the covers, his back to Todd. “Good night, Todd!”

“Night.” Todd replied, sparing one last glance for his suddenly tight-lipped companion before lying down himself, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Though, he considered, his eyes already drooping shut, why in the world he should still be surprised by sudden and erratic behavior from Dirk Gently was beyond him.

\---

Another car sped by, faintly shaking the window of the motel room as Dirk turned, softly as to avoid waking a now soundly slumbering Todd, so that he could face his small friend.

Todd had shifted in his sleep sometime in the past hour that Dirk had remained suddenly wide awake, and was now laid out facing Dirk, limbs curled into his customary, tight ball of sleep, one hand tucked beneath his chin. 

Dirk felt his heart constrict almost painfully at the sight, and he forced himself not to react beyond a hushed inhale as he felt Todd’s warm breath fanning across his face. He froze, briefly afraid that he’d been too loud when the characteristic worry-lines between Todd’s brows, previously smoothed out in sleep, reappeared for a moment as he shifted slightly. He quickly returned to sleep, however, and Dirk let out a slow sigh of relief, nearly choking on it a moment later when he caught sight of Todd’s other hand.

His hand, having been beforehand crushed beneath him, that was now sat tangled tightly in the fabric of Dirk’s jacket that pooled almost comically around his shoulders. 

Dirk studied the scene for a long, breathless moment, his heart quivering upon his noting the way the red pleather of the sleeves reached past the knuckles of Todd’s hands, and attempting resolutely to ignore the warm contentment pooling in his gut at the sight; an effort that was, quite predictably, for naught.

The scene before him felt, his mind provided before he could fully silence it, something terrifyingly close to _right_.

He yawned suddenly, muffling the sound behind his hand, and found himself drifting off to follow Todd into sleep not moments later, the last thing he saw before his eyes drifted shut being the small, comfortable smile on Todd’s face. 

**Author's Note:**

> always taking feedback at my blog [here!](http://elijahwoodnot.tumblr.com) thank you for reading so far! xx


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